Walden 2010: Peanut Butter

In celebration of the five year anniversary of my experience in living out of my car, I am posting a series of journal entries never before revealed. The hope of my Walden series is to share both a journey and a story of my attempts to live and find a real and living God. I hope the snippets entertain and inspire you as much as my experience of them has entertained and inspired me.

Car Blog Entry 6…

When I say I wanted a story, let me assure you I wasn’t thinking of “How Long a Human Can Survive Eating Things that go with Peanut Butter”.

put-peanut-butter-on-all-the-things

I’ve always wondered about how poor people can be so fat. If they’re poor shouldn’t they be skinny? But now I realize that people who are homeless have no conventional means of storing food. I have a cooler which I keep in my car, however, on days when it is ninety-degrees there isn’t any real conceivable way of storing anything nutritious. And so I spent my first week eating things that go with peanut butter: apples, bananas, bread, plastic spoons…and so on. The best investment of the trip has been a ninety-seven cent can opener at Walmart which enables me to consume cans of vegetables. I ate a can of spinach that evening in the parking lot two parking rows from a police car. I knew the officer was watching me and I was curious what he thought as he watched.

What would I think if I were looking on at my life as if it weren’t me living it but someone else? Would I admire them, or caution them?


Sometimes I think I don’t work hard enough. It doesn’t matter if I’m working harder than everyone else I should be doing more—giving more. Life to me is real when it’s hard. I told that to my friend Brent and he stayed silent for a while. I felt like I had told him my biggest secret that I hadn’t even known myself. I don’t know why, but it’s when I’m stretched to the uttermost, to the very ends of my abilities, it’s when I can’t bare it anymore, that’s when I know that I’m not living life pretending to be what it isn’t…pretending that I am something that I’m not. How will I know that I’ve achieved all that I could achieve if I don’t stretch myself?

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